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July 01, 2016

Looking For Love

Tags: Love, self love, relationships, unconditional love

Looking for that ultimate soulmate, someone who loves you unconditionally, even the darkest bits you so skillfully tuck away? This is the goal of a lifetime for many. When we find it we feel we are finally “home.” So often, however, this perfect relationship takes a turn in the night. Studies show this often happens about 18 months in. Something happens. Someone pulls back or starts trying to control the other, temperaments wear or a job takes front seat. Illnesses set in or our needs go unmet. Judgments flare and we polarize, pulling back. This, however, is when the real journey to finding unconditional love begins! 

The hardest thing to accept is that this disharmony has everything to do with you! Whatever the other person is seemingly doing wrong, you see it through your filters and react to it based on your experiences from the past. We… are creating half of the dynamic. A person may be unavailable for some reason, perhaps because they are overwhelmed or because they are are distracted by an obligation. Their pulling away may have nothing to do with you… or it may be in reaction to you, but because it has happened so many times in your life before, you react in anger. How dare they abandon  you? What is most interesting is that the other person is reacting to your actions through their filters too. ​

March 01, 2016

Keeping It Sacred: Asking Permission

Tags: Respect, Entitlement, Honoring, Sacred Relationships

Our world is running a thousand miles an hour with a new technological advance just around every corner. We run to keep up and take shortcuts to get there. In fact, it is an unwritten law in our Western Culture that we do, or take, and if necessary, make apologies for it later. This sense of urgency puts us neck to neck, scrapping for what we believe, by birthright, is ours. We seem to have forgotten how to have respect, however, and how to honor each other in our scrambles up the ladder. Is it any wonder that nothing feels sacred anymore?

If we take a step back and look at the philosophies we have inherited in the West, we can see that there is a drive for more that is rooted in deep fears of scarcity. We have been doing and taking, without apology, for millennia. To be assertive denotes a position of power and strength. It gives a message of boldness that is forthright and highly revered, but it creates dissension when no permission is granted.

September 01, 2015

Giving The Hero A Rest

Tags: Heroes, superstars, Heros Archetype, relationships, divine masculine

We were all raised to believe in the Hero, a caped man, woman, or dog even, who swoops in to save the day. We see strength and altruism in this archetype and we want to emulate it. Every kid has stuffed a towel in their shirt and run around the living room, jumping off chairs in an attempt to fly like Superman. We pretend to have superpower strengths as we slay the most daunting of monsters. As we grew up many of us continue to play out these roles in our adult lives.

Men, especially, have traditionally been charged with the task of being the hero of their families. They have been the go-to person to fix all that goes awry in the household, and until relatively recently, have provided the lion’s share of the income. They’ve kept the roof from leaking, the cupboards full, and they’ve protected the premises from intruders. We have asked them to be our heroes and we have asked them to be our warriors. These roles, however, demand a certain amount of emotional distance. A hero doesn’t cry, and someone sensitive to another’s pain, does not a good warrior make. In fact, we have trained our young boys to deny their feelings so they can step up and “be a man.” There is no analogous role for a woman. There are traits we expect a woman to have but no equivalent pressure to “be a woman.” Many women in our culture even choose to adapt themselves to these same standards, because they are so highly emphasized.

August 07, 2015

Relationships from the Heart

Tags: Perfection, authentic relationships, forgiveness, apology, perfection

A true relationship, based on heart and soul, means showing up in all our imperfection and being open to seeing the same in another.
It means taking responsibility for our moments of weakness...
And putting down the shield of perfection and and the sword of expectation
in exchange for the apologies
and forgiveness
that come from erring.

We cannot connect deeply through our illusions and facades.
Real relationships are built on a foundation of trust.
True relationships invite our shadows to the table so they can be seen...
And forgiven.

March 19, 2015

Beginners Mind

Tags: Relationships, judgement, limitaions

When we hold someone in judgement, they can be nothing other than that to us until we release that judgement.
We create a whole world of dynamics this way... most of which are rooted in our experience with the past, not our present reality.
Open up your heart, open up your mind.
Let yourself be surprised by what is, instead of bound by the limitations of your past interactions... and your resulting expectations.

March 19, 2015

Authentic Relationships

Tags: Truth, relationships, authenticity

Authenticity and Intimacy are two things most of us want in a relationship... Yet this is often a thin edge to balance upon.
In the name of truth, we may say things we thought needed to be said...
But in saying them the other person shuts down, creating distance instead of intimacy...
Or we can create a huge gulf by not sharing something that needs to be said...
Is there truly peace in that silence?
It is such a tricky divide between any two beings.
The souls so want to reach out and connect... and the egos so need to protect and divide...
Ah, the dance of being human....

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