June 01, 2016
The Perfectionist’s Trap
You see it in the fine print of advertisements, the subliminal messaging that there is a state of perfection that you have yet to achieve. It may be your looks, your ability to earn, your social status or even your health but something is amiss, and until you fix it, expect to hide in shame.
Many of us are indoctrinated into this belief system by parents who know that part of mastering their own drive for perfection is having the perfect child. You were marched into formation and asked to tow the line, given rules to live by and standards to achieve. In the process, however, you rejected the parts of yourself that aren’t perfect. When we put our imperfections in shadow we can only see them externally, in our judgements and pity of others. Many, ironically, try to overcome these divisions by helping others change to their ideal.
March 06, 2014
Holding A Grudge
To hold a grudge is to insert a fishing hook into the mouth of the offender and drag it around behind us forever. It is to build up a huge wall and meter out crumbs on your own terms... watching all the while to ensure your meagerness is responded to properly. It takes a huge amount of energy to hold a grudge and the true loser is the one holding it.
The first step is to forgive.
The second is to recognize your needing to forgive shows that there is still a hook in there making you a victim. Not to say that what happened was right or ok... but when you truly let it go, there is nothing to left forgive. We are then unburdened with maintaining this illusion of separation... This division we built up dissolves... allowing the energy we have been hoarding to flow again, freely…
December 08, 2013
The Shame of Imperfection
Reflecting on the great shame our culture asks us to feel about not being perfect...So many crimes against self, and others, start here. The crimes of self include not recognizing our own imperfections as our medicine. As Lao Tzu reminds us, true perfection seems imperfect, yet it is perfectly itself... but we are taught early that if we don't align with arbitrary standards we should be punished or feel shame.
The crimes against others shows up as seeing our own unowned "perfection" in others and resenting them for having it. When we stop seeing our imperfections as flaws and can instead see them more like the way the addition of lead to glass creates beautiful crystal, we can dance in the light our prisms shine instead of hide in its shadows.
December 04, 2013
Who Is Keeping Score?
The Creative Force creates always from a neutral place of Love... It is not punitive, it does not punish us for past deeds...
Instead it is we who punish ourselves... It is we who interpret things "going awry" as punishment... In fact, these are just moments for growth and evolution, no more, no less...
And it is we who perceive others' actions as punishment when we feel less than... because we have been taught to live in shame...The shame that comes from the sense of punishment has long been used to control people. Doesn't our cultural mythos say we were all born to "original sin"? This creates an uphill battle for salvation from the get go... It creates a person who is easily manipulated by shame... When we can accept circumstances without overlaying cultural morality onto them then the focus shifts to awareness and responsibility. Yes, karma exists... but WE create it, good and bad...Be responsible for your actions. Be aware of how your actions affect others. Forgive. Forgive others and forgive yourself. No one else is keeping score!
November 13, 2013
Authentic Self Love
It can be painful to see the subversive plots we lay to attract attention and love... When we are still hiding it from ourselves we will have this undercurrent of self loathing... because our higher self wants to be authentic and we know we can't respect ourselves for being inauthentic. This keeps us looking outside ourselves for the validation we know we can't give ourselves yet... and the cycle continues... But when we see our grand schemes for what they are, wanting to be loved, and when we can own them, we can drop the subversive behavior that sickens us about ourselves. In the end we find we love ourselves much more because we are authentic, and we can then look to others for it much less...
October 08, 2013
The “Accidental Victim”
I'm looking at our tendency to place blame and to feel guilt this morning. When things go off course from our neat and tidy plans, or when there is an "accident," we want someone to be responsible for it. It brings up primal fears about our ability to survive in an unpredictable world. We want to find fault. We want to blame someone so we can place our emotions about the disruption someplace. Or perhaps we feel guilty that we "let" let it happen, meaning we blame ourselves. The truth is, S*** happens. Usually it happens to wake us up and make us look at what is out of alignment, or to change our intended course in some way. All of that emotion, directed outward or inward, takes the form of anger as blame. It creates gulfs between people in crisis when they could be bonding over it. Can you let yourself feel the uneasiness of the situation without couching it in "blame"? Do you need to direct those emotions somewhere or can you sit with the discomfort of them?!
September 15, 2013
Being At Peace
Being at peace does not mean everything has come to a standstill. It is instead the ability to be within the motion that already exists and flow with it. The earth is spinning on its axis but because we turn with it we do not feel its motion. Imagine marching against it's rotation because you wanted to "right" the Earth's motion. So often we want to control chaos and bring it to stillness because it makes us feel uncomfortable... but to be truly at peace with chaos we need to embrace it, be right in the thick of it, not fight it. We need to feel the uncertainty it brings up in us and ride it out. Awareness brings us into coherence with our environment, it makes us one with it. Chaos is meant to be chaotic, it has its own course. To react in any way to dampen it only contributes to it.
September 08, 2013
We become victims when we are unwilling to sit with the discomfort of feelings that are coming up in us because of a situation we are in. It is easier to transmute the discomfort of vulnerability into blame or anger and redirect it at something outside of us.
The indisputable part of our story is our pain.
September 06, 2013
When Lightning Strikes…
When lightning strikes a forest it chars and burns leaving huge gaping holes... But it also clears a path for more light to enter and creates space for something new to grow. We all have these moments where it feels like lightning struck out of nowhere... In these moments it is important to remember it wasn't personal and we are being given an opportunity to expand our light and grow.