April 01, 2018
Are You Still Apologizing For Your Existence?
You decide to wear something a little daring today but in your head you hear “Take it off, you will call attention to yourself, what will people think?” But some other voice inside says “DO IT!” So you do, but all the way to work you prepare for all the apologizing you will have to do today. Or maybe you volunteer to do something at work, or in your social circles, that calls the spotlight to you. That voice inside you starts asking who the heck you think you are, and you scramble to find reasons to justify your actions. Maybe you take a stand on a spiritual or political belief that is different from those among you, or perhaps you are just saying “No!” to something that is not right for you. It can even be the way you raise your children. Why must you always apologize?
The fear of judgement, conflict, not belonging, and of losing love makes us quick to retract our self expression. Many of us were shut down as children, and told not to be so loud or sensitive, for example. We were rewarded instead, for being the children our parents wanted us to be. Fearing a loss of love, or a feeling of ostracization, we begrudgingly complied. We will not ever be able to reach for the stars, however, if we are still trying to please an imaginary counsel of naysayers in our heads. When we express ourselves, people who feel threatened by it will judge us, there is no way around that. It is what people do in fear, they judge and control. The work for us is not in kowtowing to the demands of their low self esteem, however, it is in digging out what our fears of expressing ourselves are, and sorting through our own shame. What is it rooted in?
December 01, 2017
Intimacy: Bridges Not Walls
It is often said that what we do on a personal level defines how our lives play out as a culture as well. After all, every culture is a reflection of the individuals within it. If we look at our communities right now, we see many people grappling with hate and fear. Divisiveness and anger are erupting within them, lines are being drawn, walls erected. Even weapons are being drawn. At the root of all this divisiveness is fear.
Fear permeates our personal lives as well. It can cripple emotional intimacy if we let it, much like it is undermining our country’s ability to unite. In our personal lives we usually seek out relationships that we can be “ourselves” in. We begin this process from behind a friendly facade we have constructed. It is an amalgam of the parts of ourselves we think are socially acceptable, and the fear based coping mechanisms we have developed to ensure we will not be hurt again. While this persona is safe, it is also lonely, as it negates our vulnerabilities.
November 01, 2015
Judement As A Form of Violence
I am looking at the energetics of Judgement this morning...
While each judgement we entertain feels like a private thought, judgements have an aggressive energy to them that is directed outward toward the judged.
Most of us do not take responsibility for this little piece of violence that we send out into the world, thinking it is shrouded within the privacy of our own minds...
But judgement has a palpable energy, one that creates distance
And one that is felt when it is directed at you.
We all know this...
Because we have all felt it...
I'm not saying any of us have mastered the knee jerk reaction to protect ourselves by judging...
But I am asking that we all take a step back into compassion
And take responsibility for what we are putting out there.
March 19, 2015
When we hold someone in judgement, they can be nothing other than that to us until we release that judgement.
We create a whole world of dynamics this way... most of which are rooted in our experience with the past, not our present reality.
Open up your heart, open up your mind.
Let yourself be surprised by what is, instead of bound by the limitations of your past interactions... and your resulting expectations.