October 08, 2013

The “Accidental Victim”

Tags: acceptance, Anger, blame, Emotions, judgment, victim

I'm looking at our tendency to place blame and to feel guilt this morning. When things go off course from our neat and tidy plans, or when there is an "accident," we want someone to be responsible for it. It brings up primal fears about our ability to survive in an unpredictable world. We want to find fault. We want to blame someone so we can place our emotions about the disruption someplace. Or perhaps we feel guilty that we "let" let it happen, meaning we blame ourselves. The truth is, S*** happens. Usually it happens to wake us up and make us look at what is out of alignment, or to change our intended course in some way. All of that emotion, directed outward or inward, takes the form of anger as blame. It creates gulfs between people in crisis when they could be bonding over it. Can you let yourself feel the uneasiness of the situation without couching it in "blame"? Do you need to direct those emotions somewhere or can you sit with the discomfort of them?!

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September 17, 2013

Colluding With Violence

Tags: Anger, Being Present, blame, Bullying, Collusion, control, Emotions, Fear, Guilt, imprints, Projection, victim, Violence

I saw a strange thing yesterday: A young guy in a Mustang whipped around a corner and hit a middle age guy in an SUV. The SUV, however, was straddling both lanes of a narrow passageway so technically he was at fault for being in the wrong lane. It was all fender bender kind of damage but adrenaline does strange things...The SUV driver came steaming out of the SUV yelling and screaming into the face of the young Mustang driver... The young guy started crying and apologizing, in total shock. He seemed totally convinced he was in the wrong... It made me think about how often we collude with bullies and people who are angry because we are so rattled by their violence.

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