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April 01, 2017

Spiritual Warriors and Boundaries

Tags: Personal Boundaries, Self Esteem, Martydom

Many healers willingly absorb the energy of a loved one, to make them feel better. Part of our Judeo-Christian culture encourages this, saying that being a selfless martyr is honorable. We should be able to put ourselves aside to appease another. If we are spiritually strong, we should be able to take the hit. Jesus did, after all. He died for our sins. This martyrdom is  central to our cultural programming. The problem is, it enables the sinner. It creates a culture of victims, waiting to be rescued from their shortcomings, instead a tribe of empowered beings, taking personal responsibility for their actions.

People need limits, and feedback about their behavior, to learn that there are consequences. If a child is never told “no,” she will become overbearing, not understanding where she ends and another begins. Creating boundaries reminds us that every action, or inaction, we take creates an outcome. If a child is never taught this, he will feel safe passing blame on to others for the disturbances he, himself, creates. We refine ourselves  through these deflections.
Let’s say another person is stepping on your toes. You don’t do anything, or say anything, however, you can’t. It might upset them. You tell yourself you are strong, that you can endure this. You don’t act, and they keep stepping on people’s toes. When we decide to continually endure something we find objectionable, however, for the sake of another, not only do we deny them the feedback that their actions are inappropriate, we reject and abandon ourselves. Think about it. Behind every moment as an adult where we have felt rejected, we have denied some boundary of our own first. Usually this comes in the form of not honoring our “first hit” or intuition about the situation. Instead, we let our desires, fears, or duty push us past our knowing. We reject ourselves before they ever do.

Healers who do not respect the boundaries between themselves, and their clients, abandon themselves as well. Taking on the heavy energies of  clients, over time, will fatigue and burnt them out. Some, believing this is their role, even fear their calling as a healer, for this very reason. Absorbing someone else's energies is a choice, however. The empowered healer honors their own personal boundaries first. They create a safe, and sacred space for their clients to heal within, but without absorbing anything.

It all comes down to self respect. Once you betray yourself, you give everyone else permission to do the same. Respect from others starts with respect of the self. When we enforce our boundaries, and make the choice to honor ourselves, we tell the universe we prefer others who will too. In this sense, the spiritual path of empowerment is a actually a path of learning selfishness, not martyrdom. Many people fear being judged as selfish, so they put everyone else’s needs first. It is our place, however, to define what is inappropriate, whether it hurts another’s feelings or not. We must listen to that inner voice that says “Enough!” This does not mean we have to be sharp or rude. It means we must listen, and act accordingly.

True spiritual empowerment starts with defining strong personal boundaries. When we try to save someone else, at our own expense, both people drown, and no one grows. Selflessness, at the core of many spiritual teachings, means you do not have a personal agenda, that you are there in service to something higher than your ego. It does not mean, however, that you lie down like a doormat and wait for it to be over. To be in service we need to be strong and resilient. This means looking after ourselves. Now, more than ever, we need empowered spiritual warriors, not martyrs!


Christina Allen’s work as an Intuitive, Healer, Teacher and Founder and Director of the Austin Shamanic Center, combines a strong science background (BA Physics, MS Neuroscience) with decades of applied ancient spiritual wisdom (Master Yogi, Reiki Master, and profound Shamanic Healing based on Q’ero Indian traditions of Peru). Learn more about making private appointments, and upcoming classes, at or (512) 391-9829.

© April, 2017 Austin All Natural

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