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July 01, 2017

But Can You Receive Love?

Tags: Givers and Takers, Entitlement, Emotional Poverty

It can be a long and grueling path through forgiving ourselves for all our transgressions and imperfections, to truly loving ourselves. That done, however, it is an entirely different matter to actually receive that love. Many of the most giving people are locked behind walls of their own making, blocking out the world, living in dire emotional poverty.

There are many reasons people cannot receive. For some, it makes them feel selfish. They have been taught to put everyone else first, to think of themselves last. While this is a very noble pursuit, it is not healthy. There is never an end to that line of people who should come before them. Eventually they feel spent and used. Further, when we can only give, we attract people who, through their own limitations, can only take. Perhaps they have a sense of entitlement, feeling that the world owes them in some way, or perhaps they worry that their offerings are too humble to give. They may also be wounded, and feel endlessly in need of the love and attention that was never afforded them. Regardless of how it shows up, when we are out of balance, either way, we draw in our mirror images.

Others cannot receive because it makes them feel vulnerable. To receive means you have to open up and let someone come in. Your whole identity may be wrapped around how strong your fortress is, and even how well you suffer from within it! We isolate because we are very sensitive, or we cannot endure the pain of further loss. To let someone in is to expose ourselves, and risk being hurt again. We would much rather hole up in stoic silence, than reopen those doors. When there are walls around our hearts, however, it is very difficult to feel loved.

Others still, resist the power play of the unconscious giver. Making people  feel good allows them to feel better about themselves. Their need to help, fix or rescue, however, creates a power imbalance within that relationship. The fixer needs someone to be broken to feel worthy. If we sense someone is trying to enmesh us within such an exchange, where to receive is to take on the role of someone who is incapable, or we feel obligated in some other way, we will dig in and resit.

Learning to love ourselves is important. It requires putting ourself fist every now and then. Perhaps you take a “me-day” off from work, a hot bath, go to a yoga class, or get a massage. Maybe you even shop for new clothes, buy a TV, or a new car! All of these gifts to ourselves may make us happy in the moment, and demonstrate that we are self loving and self reliant. If we cannot receive the love we are giving ourselves, behind these gifts, however, we will be forever caught in a cycle of empty consumerism. 

It starts with seeing that person inside you who needs love. Find your love and compassion for them, in your heart. Then, as you are so good at doing, give them what they need. As you do, then try stepping into their shoes. Imagine yourself, now, opening to love, free of motive. Notice where you are blocking it. Let the walls of that fortress crumble, let the sense of obligation dissolve. Lie in that warm stream and receive that love. Let it in. When you can, you will feel instantly connected to the whole Universe, and all the love that is being given to you daily, that has gone unnoticed. Move past the safety of being a doer, and allow yourself to be an open vessel. It’s about connection. It is about experiencing the exchange between all things. It’s Love baby! Let it in!

Christina Allen, an Intuitive, Healer, Teacher and Founder and Director of the Austin Shamanic Center combines strong science (BA Physics, MS Neuroscience) with decades of applied ancient spiritual wisdom (Master Yogi, Reiki Master, Shamanic Healer, based, in part, on Q’ero Indian traditions of Peru). Offering profound Shamanic Self Development Workshops and personal healings. Learn more at or (512) 391-9829.

© Austin All Natural, July 2017.

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