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April 01, 2018

Are You Still Apologizing For Your Existence?

Tags: Fear of Judgement, Self Empowerment, Taking Responsibility, Asking Permission

You decide to wear something a little daring today but in your head you hear “Take it off, you will call attention to yourself, what will people think?” But some other voice inside says “DO IT!” So you do, but all the way to work you prepare for all the apologizing you will have to do today. Or maybe you volunteer to do something at work, or in your social circles, that calls the spotlight to you. That voice inside you starts asking who the heck you think you are, and you scramble to find reasons to justify your actions. Maybe you take a stand on a spiritual or political belief that is different from those among you, or perhaps you are just saying “No!” to something that is not right for you. It can even be the way you raise your children. Why must you always apologize?

The fear of judgement, conflict, not belonging, and of losing love makes us quick to retract our self expression. Many of us were shut down as children, and told not to be so loud or sensitive, for example. We were rewarded instead, for being the children our parents wanted us to be. Fearing a loss of love, or a feeling of ostracization, we begrudgingly complied. We will not ever be able to reach for the stars, however, if we are still trying to please an imaginary counsel of naysayers in our heads. When we express ourselves, people who feel threatened by it will judge us, there is no way around that. It is what people do in fear, they judge and control. The work for us is not in kowtowing to the demands of their low self esteem, however, it is in digging out what our fears of expressing ourselves are, and sorting through our own shame. What is it rooted in?

How many times have you started a sentence with “I’m sorry but…”? We apologize when we cannot completely own our actions. Many girls, in particular, are taught from an early age to apologize so they will be less threatening. Boys, alternatively, are often taught that boldness is a virtue. They learn that asking for an apology later is better than asking for permission now. This means they are often finding out what is unacceptable by hearing “No!” instead of thinking the consequences through. While this is short sighted behavior, and often disrespectful, the girl who is apologizing for her boundaries gives this boy an ambiguous message. Apologizing for our perspective undermines our authority. We should apologize when we inadvertently hurt someone, or screw something up, but not because we have an opinion, nice watch, or do not want to do something someone else wants us to do.

Each of us was born to express ourselves. This is the nature of the Creative Force. But we are not alone. When we are accountable for our actions, and we act conscientiously, we can stand behind them, and we do not have to apologize later. Any good leader knows this. They think things through before they take action, and then act decisively without apology. So dig in, look at what you are about to do, why you feel shame, and whether it is justified. Then own who you are! Fight back that need to apologize for your existence. You have every right to set boundaries for yourself and for your children. You do not have to collude with other peoples perceptions of you, or shame yourself into silence. Your word and your self expression is part of Creation. Take responsibility for it, consider the consequences, ask permission. Then do what you feel called to, without apology. What is there to be sorry about? Either step in, own it, completely, or don’t do it!


Christina Allen, Shamanic Healer, Teacher, and Founder and Director of the Austin Shamanic Center, combines a strong science (BA Physics, MS Neuroscience) background with decades of applied ancient spiritual wisdom (Master Yogi, Reiki Master, Shamanic Healer, based, in part, on Q’ero Indian traditions of Peru). ASC offers profound Shamanic Self Development Workshops, professional trainings, and personal healings. Learn more at

© Austin All Natural, April 2018

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