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November 01, 2017

Loving Your Monster

Tags: Shadow, Demons, Entities, Self Loathing, Hearing Voices

Many of us have a part of ourselves that lurks in the shadows, grumbling and rattling its chains, looking for a way out. It can be a nasty, jealous beast, perhaps even rageful at times. We don’t want this to be part of us, however, as it makes us unlovable. So we chain it down in our cellars, and cultivate colorful flowers of positivity in its place, and other personality topiary that makes us look exceptional. 

It is important to realize that these monsters we have created ourselves.  They are not evil demons that possess our souls, they come from the depths of our psyches. While demons have their realm, these monsters are unacknowledged parts of ourselves that have no outlet for expression. Aspects of our personality that are socially taboo, such as being “too” insecure, sensitive, or emotional, have no place in our culture, so we pack them away. When our sensitivity becomes too much, our emotions run too high, or we feel especially small, these repressed parts burst through to the surface, to our horror.

SuperCeptors are people who are highly sensitive to environmental energies. They pick up on other people’s emotions, earth quakes, solar flux, astrological shifts and on activity in the spiritual realms. While quite gifted as intuitives, this massive input of information overloads their nervous systems daily. The smallest things can then send them over the edge. Since emotional outbursts are uncomfortable for everyone, the SuperCeptor child learns early to hide their sensitivity and sit on their emotions. This, however, amounts to siting on a powder keg.

All kinds of people have monsters. There are green eyed, jealousy monsters who attack those who seem to have more than they do. People who have been abused, or who suffer from PTSD because of violent events from their past, also have monsters. They feel forever unsafe. When they perceive a new situation as being potentially violent, the sensitive part that was never able to defend itself in their original trauma, comes blasting out to prevent any further instances of abuse. 

Sensing deep inside that we have a monster is one of the primary reasons some people have trouble with intimacy. How can we ever be loved when we know such a creature lives within us? There is such shame around having this part of ourselves exposed that we want to believe it is not us. We may instead blame others for provoking us. Sometimes we are so certain that we are the gardens we have been carefully cultivating, that it feels like we have been overtaken by a foreign energy when our monsters come out. We then blame it on an outside force taking possession of us. We do ourselves a great disservice, however, when we do not, instead, do the deep work of finding the disowned part of ourselves dwelling deep within. 

Being wounded is another thing we put in shadow. If you still have triggers, and a monster escaping from your cellar from time to time, there is still work to do! We have to develop compassion for our monsters and learn to love them. When we work through the shame of having one, we will see a giant lion within who simply needs the thorns extracted from his paw. It is a magnificent part of ourselves that gives us courage and strength, but we cannot claim it until we release it from its bindings, by acknowledging it. We cannot communicate with it, nor hear what its needs are, until we claim it.    As we learn to love our monsters, we become integrated and whole. We become truly grounded in our power, knowing how to navigate its depths, when we integrate our light with our dark. Instead of well manicured gardens to tend to, we roam potent jungles, thriving with allies! 


Christina Allen, an Intuitive, Healer, Teacher and Founder and Director of the Austin Shamanic Center, combines strong science (BA Physics, MS Neuroscience) with decades of applied ancient spiritual wisdom (Master Yogi, Reiki Master, Shamanic Healer, based, in part, on Q’ero Indian traditions of Peru). Offering profound Shamanic Self Development Workshops and personal healings. Learn more at or (512) 391-9829.

© Austin All Natural, November 2017.

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