August 01, 2016
The Unforgiven: Beyond Crimes and Punishment
We are often bound to people we do not like, trust or respect through our grudges, fears and hatred. These are people who have hurt, rejected or abandoned us. Some crimes are personal, others hit at the hearts of our race, gender or sexuality. Some have done unthinkable things, others have just offended us. In any case we hold court in our minds and then execute sentences that keep them forever accountable.
We know we are supposed to forgive and move on but we feel that excuses their behavior. If we stop holding our grudge, who will they answer to? Someone has to remember. If we let them off the hook how will we know they have paid for their transgressions? We punish them so we know someone has, because we fear they will do it again. This takes great energy, however, even when it is simply a dialogue in our minds.
August 07, 2015
Relationships from the Heart
A true relationship, based on heart and soul, means showing up in all our imperfection and being open to seeing the same in another.
It means taking responsibility for our moments of weakness...
And putting down the shield of perfection and and the sword of expectation
in exchange for the apologies
that come from erring.
We cannot connect deeply through our illusions and facades.
Real relationships are built on a foundation of trust.
True relationships invite our shadows to the table so they can be seen...
March 06, 2014
Holding A Grudge
To hold a grudge is to insert a fishing hook into the mouth of the offender and drag it around behind us forever. It is to build up a huge wall and meter out crumbs on your own terms... watching all the while to ensure your meagerness is responded to properly. It takes a huge amount of energy to hold a grudge and the true loser is the one holding it.
The first step is to forgive.
The second is to recognize your needing to forgive shows that there is still a hook in there making you a victim. Not to say that what happened was right or ok... but when you truly let it go, there is nothing to left forgive. We are then unburdened with maintaining this illusion of separation... This division we built up dissolves... allowing the energy we have been hoarding to flow again, freely…
December 04, 2013
Who Is Keeping Score?
The Creative Force creates always from a neutral place of Love... It is not punitive, it does not punish us for past deeds...
Instead it is we who punish ourselves... It is we who interpret things "going awry" as punishment... In fact, these are just moments for growth and evolution, no more, no less...
And it is we who perceive others' actions as punishment when we feel less than... because we have been taught to live in shame...The shame that comes from the sense of punishment has long been used to control people. Doesn't our cultural mythos say we were all born to "original sin"? This creates an uphill battle for salvation from the get go... It creates a person who is easily manipulated by shame... When we can accept circumstances without overlaying cultural morality onto them then the focus shifts to awareness and responsibility. Yes, karma exists... but WE create it, good and bad...Be responsible for your actions. Be aware of how your actions affect others. Forgive. Forgive others and forgive yourself. No one else is keeping score!
October 27, 2013
Dealing With Shadow Elements In Another
Reflecting on how to navigate the emotions that arise when dealing with another person's shadow actions. We all have things we cannot see in shadow, things that, if they are not brought to light, can come out and nip at others when we least expect it. Being on the receiving end can hurt and/or make us angry, but often the other person does not even know they are doing it. Forgiveness, compassion and gratitude are the high vibration emotions that take us out of defensive positions and put us in that more mythic, Hummingbird state, allowing us to rise out of the muck of being hurt. An eye-for-an-eye begets another eye... Compassion, for you know you have done it too... and Forgiveness, allow us to drop it and move into neutrality and joy again.