March 06, 2014
Holding A Grudge
Tags: entitlement, Selfishness, acceptance, blame, control, forgiveness
To hold a grudge is to insert a fishing hook into the mouth of the offender and drag it around behind us forever. It is to build up a huge wall and meter out crumbs on your own terms... watching all the while to ensure your meagerness is responded to properly. It takes a huge amount of energy to hold a grudge and the true loser is the one holding it.
The first step is to forgive.
The second is to recognize your needing to forgive shows that there is still a hook in there making you a victim. Not to say that what happened was right or ok... but when you truly let it go, there is nothing to left forgive. We are then unburdened with maintaining this illusion of separation... This division we built up dissolves... allowing the energy we have been hoarding to flow again, freely…
December 08, 2013
The Shame of Imperfection
Tags: acceptance, awareness, blame, Empowerment, judgment, Shadow, Shame, victim, Vulnerability
Reflecting on the great shame our culture asks us to feel about not being perfect...So many crimes against self, and others, start here. The crimes of self include not recognizing our own imperfections as our medicine. As Lao Tzu reminds us, true perfection seems imperfect, yet it is perfectly itself... but we are taught early that if we don't align with arbitrary standards we should be punished or feel shame.
The crimes against others shows up as seeing our own unowned "perfection" in others and resenting them for having it. When we stop seeing our imperfections as flaws and can instead see them more like the way the addition of lead to glass creates beautiful crystal, we can dance in the light our prisms shine instead of hide in its shadows.
December 04, 2013
Who Is Keeping Score?
Tags: acceptance, awareness, blame, Empowerment, forgiveness, Love, Shame
The Creative Force creates always from a neutral place of Love... It is not punitive, it does not punish us for past deeds...
Instead it is we who punish ourselves... It is we who interpret things "going awry" as punishment... In fact, these are just moments for growth and evolution, no more, no less...
And it is we who perceive others' actions as punishment when we feel less than... because we have been taught to live in shame...The shame that comes from the sense of punishment has long been used to control people. Doesn't our cultural mythos say we were all born to "original sin"? This creates an uphill battle for salvation from the get go... It creates a person who is easily manipulated by shame... When we can accept circumstances without overlaying cultural morality onto them then the focus shifts to awareness and responsibility. Yes, karma exists... but WE create it, good and bad...Be responsible for your actions. Be aware of how your actions affect others. Forgive. Forgive others and forgive yourself. No one else is keeping score!
November 12, 2013
What You Deserve
Tags: entitlement, awareness, blame, Ego, Empowerment, self respect, Shame, victim, Withholding
Reflecting on the concept of deserving... My question is this, Who is keeping score? Who decides if in fact we do deserve something or not?! The whole concept of deserving is based entirely on a tally our ego keeps. None of it is real. We all deserve the moon! It reminds me of the concept that if we are good we will go to heaven. The rewards for living a good life are a good life, not some external pat on the back. And if we do deserve something... that implies someone else may not... What is that about?!
"No, I am sorry, you cannot have that... you do not deserve it"??? WTH?! Are we in kindergarten here?
And what if we 'don't deserve' something... He 'didn't deserve to be treated that way'... Again, who is keeping score? Stuff happens... the concept of deserving it makes it personal when in fact the unfolding of the universe is... just that... There is nothing personal about it.
October 08, 2013
The “Accidental Victim”
Tags: acceptance, Anger, blame, Emotions, judgment, victim
I'm looking at our tendency to place blame and to feel guilt this morning. When things go off course from our neat and tidy plans, or when there is an "accident," we want someone to be responsible for it. It brings up primal fears about our ability to survive in an unpredictable world. We want to find fault. We want to blame someone so we can place our emotions about the disruption someplace. Or perhaps we feel guilty that we "let" let it happen, meaning we blame ourselves. The truth is, S*** happens. Usually it happens to wake us up and make us look at what is out of alignment, or to change our intended course in some way. All of that emotion, directed outward or inward, takes the form of anger as blame. It creates gulfs between people in crisis when they could be bonding over it. Can you let yourself feel the uneasiness of the situation without couching it in "blame"? Do you need to direct those emotions somewhere or can you sit with the discomfort of them?!
September 24, 2013
Is It Really Someone Else that Loves us?
Tags: attachment, Being Present, blame, control, Doubt, Intellect, Love, Negativity, Perception, Projection, Separation
The consciousness of love runs through us as a continuum, like an ever flowing river to the sea... but we chop it up and attribute it to individuals. We think when those individuals leave us the love stops. The illusion is that it came from those individuals. It "came" by our opening our hearts to them and letting it flow through us.
It is always there to flow through us if we let it. So often we hold back. So often we nip and bite at, we criticize and blame the ones who love us so as not to be disappointed, hurt or controlled by them. When we do this it is we who cut ourselves off from that river... and we who create the illusion of isolation. We then look for it someplace else... when where we need to look is inside.
September 17, 2013
Colluding With Violence
Tags: Anger, Being Present, blame, Bullying, Collusion, control, Emotions, Fear, Guilt, imprints, Projection, victim, Violence
I saw a strange thing yesterday: A young guy in a Mustang whipped around a corner and hit a middle age guy in an SUV. The SUV, however, was straddling both lanes of a narrow passageway so technically he was at fault for being in the wrong lane. It was all fender bender kind of damage but adrenaline does strange things...The SUV driver came steaming out of the SUV yelling and screaming into the face of the young Mustang driver... The young guy started crying and apologizing, in total shock. He seemed totally convinced he was in the wrong... It made me think about how often we collude with bullies and people who are angry because we are so rattled by their violence.
September 09, 2013
Those Pesky Emotions
Tags: awareness, Being Present, blame, Emotions, Shame, victim, Vulnerability
We can not control the world... only our reactions to it.
It is a prescription for victimhood to make the world responsible for our emotional well being... it very unlikely it can comply with our demands.
To remain in our power and grace we must learn to navigate our own discomfort and find ways of transmuting fear, pain and anger into understanding and compassion, creating as few ripples outward as possible.
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September 08, 2013
Transferring Blame
Tags: acceptance, awareness, blame, Emotions, judgment, Negativity, Paradigm shift, Perception, Projection, Shadow, Shame, victim
We become victims when we are unwilling to sit with the discomfort of feelings that are coming up in us because of a situation we are in. It is easier to transmute the discomfort of vulnerability into blame or anger and redirect it at something outside of us.
The indisputable part of our story is our pain.
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