July 01, 2018
The Lonely Kingdom of Naught
There is a lot of power that can be derived by being contrary, critical, and well, just downright negative. When nothing is good enough, or clean enough, our discomfort, hopefully, becomes the impetus for others to change and accommodate us. It makes us right, defining us as separate from, and superior to, the flock. People who feel unworthy of love, and believe they must please another to win it, will respond accordingly. For everyone else, this is exhausting behavior to be around.
Children learn the power of the word “no” at about the age of two, when the ego starts to really form. “No, I don’t want to eat spinach,” or “No, I don’t want to go to bed yet.” It is the doorway through which they find their will, and thus define who they are as beings separate from their parents. This becomes particularly pronounced in adolescence, and is healthy in this context. People who suffer from childhood trauma, however, do not automatically step beyond this sophomoric form of “self empowerment.” They would rather anchor in to what they know, and fortify their walls with criticisms of what they don’t. There is never really any true connection here, though, as implicit within this fabricated superiority is a power differential that keeps them forever in isolation. In truth, this is really just a lonely kingdom of naught.
February 17, 2016
Are you loving from your wounds or from your heart?
Are you loving from your wounds or from your heart?
Your wounds say it will never last,
they say that there is not enough,
and they say there must be something wrong with you
because there isn't...
they say this person will hurt you...
Control the objects of your affections, they say, so you are not further
Your heart says love is everywhere, in everything.
It says you do not need to hold onto it in another,
because love will never go away.
It says you may see me in the eyes of a small child today
and in the whispering of the winds tomorrow,
but I will never leave you...
Forms come and go...
let the pain from their loss, dissolve into the darkness,
the deep velvety darkness
that fills the space between moments,
the gaps between forms...
In that womb,
that exists between each ending...
And before each new beginning,
you will find it...
Love that beats like a steady base line
that pulse that comes through your heart.
March 06, 2014
Holding A Grudge
To hold a grudge is to insert a fishing hook into the mouth of the offender and drag it around behind us forever. It is to build up a huge wall and meter out crumbs on your own terms... watching all the while to ensure your meagerness is responded to properly. It takes a huge amount of energy to hold a grudge and the true loser is the one holding it.
The first step is to forgive.
The second is to recognize your needing to forgive shows that there is still a hook in there making you a victim. Not to say that what happened was right or ok... but when you truly let it go, there is nothing to left forgive. We are then unburdened with maintaining this illusion of separation... This division we built up dissolves... allowing the energy we have been hoarding to flow again, freely…
December 18, 2013
Cockroaches and Termites
We are remodeling my bathroom to put in a tub (!)...but as we tore out the old nasty shower stall and uprooted the flooring we found the pipes had been leaking for years... the old wall wood was riddled with termites... and under the flooring lived a colony of cockroaches... It got me to thinking about shadow.
December 02, 2013
Control Your Vision, Not Your Neighbor!
It is not ours to control the thoughts and actions of another. It is ours to trust in, and envision, the highest outcome.
November 13, 2013
Authentic Self Love
It can be painful to see the subversive plots we lay to attract attention and love... When we are still hiding it from ourselves we will have this undercurrent of self loathing... because our higher self wants to be authentic and we know we can't respect ourselves for being inauthentic. This keeps us looking outside ourselves for the validation we know we can't give ourselves yet... and the cycle continues... But when we see our grand schemes for what they are, wanting to be loved, and when we can own them, we can drop the subversive behavior that sickens us about ourselves. In the end we find we love ourselves much more because we are authentic, and we can then look to others for it much less...
October 30, 2013
The Withholder’s Drama
The Withholder's power lies in the drama WE create in response to their withdrawal. Our reaction, in their minds, then further justifies their actions. Can you resist the bait of taking their actions personally? Do you really need to indulge in high drama...? Usually when we do, abandonment and rejection are part of our old stories. When we do our personal work around these issues then a Withholder is just that... someone left standing there holding onto the ball they took out of play.
September 24, 2013
Is It Really Someone Else that Loves us?
The consciousness of love runs through us as a continuum, like an ever flowing river to the sea... but we chop it up and attribute it to individuals. We think when those individuals leave us the love stops. The illusion is that it came from those individuals. It "came" by our opening our hearts to them and letting it flow through us.
It is always there to flow through us if we let it. So often we hold back. So often we nip and bite at, we criticize and blame the ones who love us so as not to be disappointed, hurt or controlled by them. When we do this it is we who cut ourselves off from that river... and we who create the illusion of isolation. We then look for it someplace else... when where we need to look is inside.
September 17, 2013
Colluding With Violence
I saw a strange thing yesterday: A young guy in a Mustang whipped around a corner and hit a middle age guy in an SUV. The SUV, however, was straddling both lanes of a narrow passageway so technically he was at fault for being in the wrong lane. It was all fender bender kind of damage but adrenaline does strange things...The SUV driver came steaming out of the SUV yelling and screaming into the face of the young Mustang driver... The young guy started crying and apologizing, in total shock. He seemed totally convinced he was in the wrong... It made me think about how often we collude with bullies and people who are angry because we are so rattled by their violence.
September 15, 2013
Being At Peace
Being at peace does not mean everything has come to a standstill. It is instead the ability to be within the motion that already exists and flow with it. The earth is spinning on its axis but because we turn with it we do not feel its motion. Imagine marching against it's rotation because you wanted to "right" the Earth's motion. So often we want to control chaos and bring it to stillness because it makes us feel uncomfortable... but to be truly at peace with chaos we need to embrace it, be right in the thick of it, not fight it. We need to feel the uncertainty it brings up in us and ride it out. Awareness brings us into coherence with our environment, it makes us one with it. Chaos is meant to be chaotic, it has its own course. To react in any way to dampen it only contributes to it.