July 01, 2016
Looking For Love
Looking for that ultimate soulmate, someone who loves you unconditionally, even the darkest bits you so skillfully tuck away? This is the goal of a lifetime for many. When we find it we feel we are finally “home.” So often, however, this perfect relationship takes a turn in the night. Studies show this often happens about 18 months in. Something happens. Someone pulls back or starts trying to control the other, temperaments wear or a job takes front seat. Illnesses set in or our needs go unmet. Judgments flare and we polarize, pulling back. This, however, is when the real journey to finding unconditional love begins!
The hardest thing to accept is that this disharmony has everything to do with you! Whatever the other person is seemingly doing wrong, you see it through your filters and react to it based on your experiences from the past. We… are creating half of the dynamic. A person may be unavailable for some reason, perhaps because they are overwhelmed or because they are are distracted by an obligation. Their pulling away may have nothing to do with you… or it may be in reaction to you, but because it has happened so many times in your life before, you react in anger. How dare they abandon you? What is most interesting is that the other person is reacting to your actions through their filters too. Your anger reminds them of an unstable parent who abused them constantly as a child. They then go into protection mode, as they have so many times before, and stop showing up to the relationship. This starts up a cat and mouse dynamic fueled by what each person experienced from their past.
Until we learn how to disengage from old patterns, we will ask those that are closest to us to play out roles from our past, and just as unknowingly, we agree to play out parts of theirs. Ultimately, it is not the other person who is hurting us, however. Our perception of their actions is just triggering old wounds. Further, whatever you think they are doing, you will find you are doing it to yourself, first. Everything outside of us is a mirror of our internal world. Consider the woman who stays in the abusive relationship… She is actually abusing herself by staying. The man who is feeling abandoned is usually rejecting himself, first, by blocking out the love he believes himself unworthy of.
Criticizing your beloved for not connecting with you usually just pushes them further into their sense of inadequacy. Yes, they are hiding behind their work but that is not the problem. Your reaction to it is. When we start judging and putting up walls, or start posturing and demanding, we push them even further away. It comes down to this. If we want to experience love we have to heal the wounds that keep us locked into dramas from the past. Some of us have had these stories for lifetimes!
We cannot expect unconditional love from others, when we cannot give it to ourselves. Love is not a currency to barter with, it is a pure state of being. We find it not outside ourselves, but within. It is the vibrational state we were created in. Like the sun, the Creative Source is not wounded and therefor casts no shadow of its own. When we can tap into that love, we get a direct line. Any resistance we experience simply mirrors the limits we, ourselves, have put there. Instead of looking for someone new to meet your needs, or trying to fix your faulty partner, why not find out what needs healing in you? Remove your own conditions and be the love you are not receiving, then you will truly find your way home!
Christina Allen’s work as an Intuitive, Healer, Teacher and Founder and Director of the Austin Shamanic Center, combines a strong science background (BA Physics, MS Neuroscience) with decades of applied ancient spiritual wisdom (Master Yogi, Reiki Master, and profound Shamanic Healing based on Q’ero Indian traditions of Peru). Learn more about making private appointments, and upcoming classes, at www.AustinSHamanicCenter.com or (512) 391-9829.
© Austin All Natural, July 2016